Why am I afraid or avoid having sex?

• 5% of visits to the sexologist have fear of sex as a common link.
• It occurs more among women, but men suffer too.
• The aversion is not a sexual dysfunction or a low desire state and can be a "temporary" or "permanent" situation.

Sex is a rewarding experience for most mortals. Or at least they were. Modern society - with its new ways of relating - has transferred its rules and values ​​and, consequently, its fears to bed, according to the best sexologist in Delhi.

Everyone agrees that the aversion to having sex - that is, the fear of having sex with a stable or sporadic partner - is on the rise in the new century, since before it was "isolated cases" who suffered some kind of rejection they affirm.

Although there are no reliable surveys in sexology, professional experience at the foot of the couch allows us to extrapolate some figures. As explained by the professionals, about 5% of patients who go to the sexologist clinic in Delhi do so because of a phobia or sexual aversion.

Of these, the least are those whose fear is based on objective causes: previous sexual abuse, bad experiences or sexual dysfunctions such as vaginismus, which end up causing rejection. The rest of the patients who come to the consultation have developed a sexual phobia based on the fear of not being up to the task in their response.

"The fear increases because now people talk more about sex and compare more. They have more promiscuous relationships and with more sexual partners ", explains Dr. P K Gupta, sex specialist in Delhi. "The value of competitiveness is transferred to the sexual field," he adds.

An opinion shared by the top sexologist in Delhi Dr. P K Gupta. "Today you have to be an ace in everything, including in bed," he says. "The sexual fearful is someone demanding, they are personalities with fear of not measuring up and who see that they have no training in the sexual aspect," he adds. "People come to consultation because the couple knows or wants more because they have had other sexual relationships in which they have enjoyed more," he says. That's where the fears begin.

4. Lack of self-esteem favors insecurity.

Complexes of all kinds

Is this aversion ... suffered by women and men alike? "Fear is manifested more in women than in men, but they also suffer from it," says sex doctor in Delhi, who explains that "fear of commitment or stable relationships is occurring in them" as a trigger for aversion.

In women - continues the sexologist doctor in Delhi - fear may be before practicing it, for fear of the uncertainty that it creates for them. There is also fear of pain during the relationship and physical complexes regarding his body when faced with nudity.

In sexual social fear there are complexes of all kinds. Self-esteem, excessive demand or cases in which there has been a very restrictive sexual education. Or sometimes a combination of all of them, confirms sexologist in Lajpat Nagar.

The fear of sex - which can develop in a first-time partner or in experienced lovers who after years of relationship change partners - can be "permanent" or "temporary" , the latter depending on personal circumstances such as stress, sexologist in Delhi point outs. In both cases, phobias can be treated with a variety of therapies.

On the other hand, it is advisable not to confuse sexual aversion with a state of low sexual desire or with a physiological dysfunction when maintaining intimate contact.

Sexual aversion: Phobia of sexual contact. Relationships are feared or avoided. Some of these people are not able to maintain certain sexual activities, for example oral sex, while others express anxiety about any situation associated with sex: a kiss.

Low sexual desire: When what predominates is the lack of interest in relationships, we would be facing the case of lack of sexual desire, but not fear.

Sexual Dysfunction: Problemspoint in human sexual response.

"In India there has been no sexual revolution"

Dr P K Gupta, Consultant Sexologist in Delhi & director of the Dr P K Gupta's Super Speciality Clinic Pvt. Ltd.

What does Indian lack in sexual matters?: Information.

And what is the most wrong?: They continue to see penetration as the summum of sexual intercourse.

Do taboos persist?: You are afraid to innovate and enjoy your sexual relationship with ease.

Not experienced in bed?: Oral sex is still taboo and other practices are considered much worse. In India there has not yet been a sexual revolution.

Who suffers more from fear?: Men have more fear of sexual interaction because they are not up to the task, and women are more afraid of emotional loss. This is because the man attributes and is attributed more responsibility in sexual satisfaction and that creates pressure. In the case of women, it is because it generates more attachment in sexual relations and therefore affects them more.

How is this phobia detected ?: Without realizing it, you run away from having a relationship. There are fewer fears in a sporadic relationship than in a stable one, where there is affection.

Are fears old ?: It occurs more when the time [age] to have a partner arrives, but it is also occurring in older people, who divorce and have to start from scratch.

How do I act?

Clinical sexologist in Delhi Dr P K Gupta points out the guidelines to face a sexual aversion or phobia.

Must be...

1. Face fear by not allowing yourself to be blocked by it or giving in to anxiety.

2. Avoid anxiety at the idea of ​​not having an adequate sexual performance.

3. Promote good communication with the couple by expressing emotions correctly and taking the sexual relationship with ease.

4. Seek support from sexologist in Delhi when sexual aversion becomes chronic, since in general the phobia will escalate and become disabling.

You have to flee from ...

1. The erroneous information that circulates on the networks and that reinforces the ignorance about the anatomy of the own body and that of the couple are harmful.

2. Comparing yourself to other people, especially at the level of physical complexes and sexual performance, incorporates fear into sexual relationships.

3. Lack of coordination and lack of rapport with the partner, neglecting their needs can precipitate rejection.

4. Lack of self-esteem favors insecurity.